Journeys Scapa Fest

Journeys: getting lost and changing your mind | by Holly Saxton

It’s ok to change your mind. It’s ok to change jobs, apartments, friends, cities. It’s ok to pack up, book that ticket, go somewhere far and somewhere completely new. Make new friends, fall in love with sunsets again. Take a journey, take a flight, go on that road trip. Just remember all along the way, days, weeks, months along your journey, it’s still OK to change your mind.

Take with you the reason why; why am I changing my mind, what do I hope to find on this journey, what do I hope to leave behind? You know the reasons why, and you know that where you are right now does not serve you any longer. So, you decide to change your mind, which is absolutely ok- to pack your bags and say goodbyes, set yourself free and find your wild.

Just please, don’t forget why you changed your mind.
Don’t forget why you started something.
Don’t ever forget why you started.

And hey, on this journey of yours, whatever little up rooted and risen piece of earth be it mountain or remote far flung island you find to plant your feet on, know that It’s OK to change your mind, in order to come back to the reason you changed your mind. The sign might say paradise but all those who wander are lost, I’ve seen it, I know. I was, too. Lost.

Stories, journeys, personalities, they tangle, they tangle and get clouded and if you are not careful on your journey you will too, become tangled.
If all of a sudden find yourself a little off course, caught in a current that is not yours to paddle, feeling sticky in a place that you did not intend, then change your mind, be kind, but don’t forget why you started. Red flags will always show when they need to, when the time is right, they will creep in as disappointment in that which you thought was golden, they’ll be little tugs, a rate of heart you thought you left in your city life, what is that? That’s your intuition, that is your superpower, don’t ignore it. Use it to change your journey, end that chapter, change your mind. You are the author of your own life, don’t forget this too easy. You can tear out pages and buy new notebooks, make life leather bound and pages worn, but you are the only one who can write it down. Write a chapter, change your mind. Let it go, let it go in cheap hotel rooms and let it go at the airport terminal, leave it in a town you’ll one day forget the name. Then write it again. It’s always OK to change your mind. Just, remember why you started.

It’s OK to leave, if you can, always leave, you’re on a journey of changing your mind, remember? You might find yourself somewhere where a wall begins to stack back up, wait, wait, please stay soft, you worked so hard. On your journey you will find new brothers and sisters of the soul kind that you didn’t know you needed, and even 5 minutes in a cafe with a stranger will bond you with their flash of kindness that goes beyond. Cherish these new journey friends. Learn from them, thank them.

You will also meet those on your journey who have packed the tools to keep those brick walls firmly in place, just incase. They were too afraid to leave them behind. Don’t compare your journey to another, you may meet in the same dusty town and it might be nirvana to you, just another challenging maze to them. The reason you changed your mind in the first place won’t be the same reason that they did. Don’t detour, keep going. It’s ok to feel what they feel, feel it briefly, don’t pack it. It’s a blessing and a curse, to feel everything so deeply. But remain soft, always.

Its OK to fall in love on your journey, more than once, wear your heart sewn onto your sleeve in glistening golden thread for all to see, fall in love with someone after just one sunset, fall back in love with the sky; meet it at dawn and dusk daily, above all, make time for those sunsets, watch the candy floss and the lilacs bleed back into the horizon line, notice how you see the world after a few of those, now that’s a promise i will make to you. Be the one who stops in the middle of the street to look up to the moon and be allured with her beauty over and over again, like you have never seen anything so breathtaking, even though you’ve already been under her spell 28 short, years.

Real life will follow you on the road, allow yourself that sweet idea that it won’t, but don’t be too surprised when it catches up with you. Embrace it when it curls up behind you on your journey and makes you sad, sick, learn from it, invite it along with you. You will need to learn from it.
Remember that even in these pockets of escapism that you get lost in, people will change their minds, too, just like you (remember it’s ok to do so), they will change their minds along ocean roads on scooter rides and charlift dates at altitude. You can still get your heartbroken that much closer to the stars and the waves. Don’t get lost in the promise of an ever after journey with someone you met 5 minutes ago, it’s absolutely OK and magic to do so, but please, remember why you started.

Life is a wave, and as we learn to navigate those soaring highs and sour lows, above us the planets will misalign, and the moon will change her face everyday, if they can change, why can’t you? You too are made up of stardust and molecules just like them. Life will get real even on the pastel filtered, carefully curated road trips, blame the planets, go ahead, but catch yourself, before you free fall into blame and bad habits, please, remember why you started.

So, go get lost, then, leave your job, the one that no longer serves you and your boundless knowledge and creative heart. Hold you loved ones close as you say goodbye and promise yourself you will come back better- a better friend, sister, daughter. Book that plane ticket, extend those visas. Get so lost you forget your email password and lose bank cards and too expensive sunglasses and forget what seasons feel like. Forget feeling safe and stuck and smothered. Forget his wide smile, his brown eyes just as wide and the number of steps from the tube station to his street. Wander amongst rows of palms on bluebird days and screech under freezing waterfalls. Hike mountains, run trails. Breathe in salty, clean air every. single. morning. Submerge yourself in lakes as green as swimming pools in July. Stand on deserted beaches and give yourself full permission to feel homesick for a home in the city you never quite had, for a love that almost was. Swim in it, sink into it, get lost, for a while. Know when you get too lost. Know when it’s time to change your mind once again; to come home.

Return home softer, return to your roots, return with your life lessons learned. Freckles on your nose and a passport pages covered in creases and fault lines. Calloused feet and shoulder chips to match. Fewer belongings, more sunsets in your memory than you think you can bear, a heart so full and a soul so fed it could burst.
Go home and allow yourself to be grounded, observe those old habits creep back in, the ones you promised you would lose somewhere along the way. Forgetting that these are the ones that die the hardest. Let them go and leave them lost, leave them in the residue dust of your journey with the blue moons and the new moons; on those days that you changed your mind the most.
Know that in changing your mind you have gifted yourself permission to change your mind for the rest of your life. Change your mind, a hundred times, just remember why you started.

Posted in Adventure, Environment, Uncategorized.

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